Sleep deprived, but I think I am going the right way again. I have my little notebook to keep track of my food and I have broken the funk for now. I had a really good time on Saturday night and it was time for me, sort of. I still need to work on that....
Monday, September 24, 2012
Friday, September 21, 2012
Ok
I need to stop wallowing in self pity and just get my shit done. I need to do so many things, but I don't want to do any of them!
So here is a short list of things I WILL be doing:
1) Start my food log again. I am always more successful when I am more mindful. It makes me feel more ... accountable(?) I guess. I am tired of being fat. I felt pretty darn good when I weighed the same as I did at 19 and was dangerously getting close to being less than that.
2) Find Joy in small everyday things. I am not sure when it happened, but I became a grown up. I used to view things with child-like wonder and find even the most mundane things extraordinary. Now I am hardly ever amazed at anything. I can't seem to find that wonder any more. I hope it isn't gone forever.
3) Find time for me. I was recently told/ became aware of how I get bogged down in the details. I am always trying to fulfill some obligation, whether for others (usually) or standards that I have set for myself (children of chaos tend to create it in order to feel "right"). I the same vein as #2, I will need to set aside time for me. Maybe this blog could help?
That is my list so far. It is short but I think that it is a start....
So here is a short list of things I WILL be doing:
1) Start my food log again. I am always more successful when I am more mindful. It makes me feel more ... accountable(?) I guess. I am tired of being fat. I felt pretty darn good when I weighed the same as I did at 19 and was dangerously getting close to being less than that.
2) Find Joy in small everyday things. I am not sure when it happened, but I became a grown up. I used to view things with child-like wonder and find even the most mundane things extraordinary. Now I am hardly ever amazed at anything. I can't seem to find that wonder any more. I hope it isn't gone forever.
3) Find time for me. I was recently told/ became aware of how I get bogged down in the details. I am always trying to fulfill some obligation, whether for others (usually) or standards that I have set for myself (children of chaos tend to create it in order to feel "right"). I the same vein as #2, I will need to set aside time for me. Maybe this blog could help?
That is my list so far. It is short but I think that it is a start....
Oh well....
So it has been while since I posted. I should call this blog that instead as it seems that is always my opening line. I have yet to get back into the swing of things and when I was at the doctor's office yesterday I weighed in at 288. Granted that is with my shoes and clothes on, but still. I had some things come up in my personal life (no, I am not telling!) so it has been very hard to get motivated. The less I do, the more sessile I become. It is very hard to get myself to run at this point. It is hard to even do anything. I feel pretty worthless, but that is life I guess....
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