Catch up time....

Things have been going extremely well for my diet an exercise, however, I have more than a touch of the pessimist in me and I am waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop.  I have reached an all time low as an adult for my weight.  I have hit 233, which I have not seen since I was 13 years old and was gaining weight from a broken leg from 220 up to 290.  I worry at time this will be hard to maintain, but I think I can do it and I see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Been a long time....

It has been quite some time since I have posted anything.  So many changes to keep on, but mostly I came back to look at this blog for my picture.

I have had some success lately and I have a weigh in the morning.  Perhaps I should wait until the morning, but I worked so damn hard getting back into my account after so much time!

Here we go....

I have been making an effort to get back on track.  Since I posted last I have moved back to Minnesota and am living with family as I prepare our new house to move in to.  I just thought I would jot a few recent thoughts down...

Well... one thought.

Last week or so there was a little construction going on in the house I am staying in.  The way the house is built, there is a lip of cement around the outside and there is a gap between that and the earth.  A pile of muddy soil was moved from one part of the farm over to the house to fill it in.  A serious effort was made to ensure that none of the half wild farm cats that roam that area were anywhere near it, or at the least had been evicted.

This last week has been cold and wet and rainy and wet and rainy.  I doubled up on the words on purpose.  No one was out walking around to hear anything or see anything until today.

Our oldest daughter was frantic.  She heard a cat where there shouldn't be one.  We searched and came up with theories.  We opened up the dryer vent.  No cat.  Looked into the window wells.  No cat.  The last theory was that somehow a cat got under when the dirt was being moved.  A half hour of digging wet, clay-mud and I could see the cat.  It crawled out, and ran its ungrateful and undernourished self away as fast it could.

Part of me felt that it was stupid to do all this for some cat.  Part of me thought that maybe that this is what the difference is between people.  How much worth is a life?  Did the fact that this cat would rather kill me in my sleep than do... most any other thing to me matter in the end?

Also, I wonder where all the dirt goes.  That hole that took a half hour of digging to make tooke 5 minutes to fill, but it wasn't as filled as it was before.  Weird.

Let us be honest

I didn't post pictures.  I most likely won't post pictures.  I am not a young single guy and my training is not to look better but to be better.

I have always wondered why I always seemed to fall short and would sabotage myself into not following through.  Not long after my last post I found out that I have a diagnosis of depression.  People who know me, like, really know me, wouldn't think this as some grand revolution.  Same as finding out I am a control freak with a type A personality.  But both of these things were a revolution to me. 

So.  What now.  Now, I do what I can.  I train when I can, as hard as I am able.  I make lists and try and follow them.  I look at it as treatment.  I let others do things and I get myself moving.  It is good for me.

This last week I met a goal of mine that I had been thinking about for a while.  I lifted 10,00 pounds in one day.  I have started running just to run.  And now my body is fighting back against bad foods and not letting me eat them.

I want to see where this will take me.

Back on the wagon....

So I have been back to training the last few weeks.  It has helped that my wife has become motivated.  We kind of help each other eat well and work out.  So far I went from 300 pounds to 281.  I took some pictures this morning to add to the blog to compare with last time.  I hope that they show improvement.

So what have I been doing, you say?  There is the Biggest Loser Challenge on the Wii that we have been using which is nice, but sometimes it can piss a guy off.  That with running 2 to 3 times a week and doing kettlebells in my office throughout the day have paid off with our new diet of healthy eating.  Plus, it helps being broke and not being able to afford gas station foods.

I will post picture later today...

Really, I have resolutions...

For the first time in a long time, I have New Year Resolutions!  Actually, it is a list of things that I will do to stave off depression...  WHICH IS THE SAME THING!

Here is my list, in no particular order:

1. Shower, Daily:  This might not seem like a big deal, but when you are depressed, it is. 
2. Shave:  It makes difference in how you feel if you are clean shaven, I feel.
3. Work out, Daily:  Again, nothing new here.
4. Sleep more:  There are many out there that might look at this and be like, REALLY?!  Yes, really.  For really-really.  I am a chronic under-sleeper.  I usually go on about 4 to 6 hours a night.  Not healthy.
5. Clean:  Yeah, I know.  I already clean a lot.  But it is only surface stuff.  Things get piled about like they do when you have 3 kids and a job and a half.
6. Make lists and DO THEM!:  Check!  No really.  To get stuff done, do lists.  That is is the way of the world.
7. Get caught up with gym paperwork:  Bane of my existence but only because I let it.

There it is.  My get out of depression list.  Wish me luck!

ok, ok

So I was off.  I was actually starting Week 9 and had finished Week 8 prior to the life and death crisis.  I have finally started up again and am on the Week 9, and yet there is another life and death crisis, only this time with my dog.

Stewie has been with us through a lot of things.  Through the death of Charlie, all of our adoptions, through two runs to the hospital on emergency flights, and through one that was a routine but scary operation on our child.  He has so much love for everyone and it seems so unfair that he is reaped so soon.  He is barely 7 and has a hemangiosarcoma on his big heart.

You might think it could be worse, and you are right, it could be.  I will not even tempt fate by making a list, but I will say that this sucks.  I have always hoped that our dogs would pass of old age making the death talk to my children so much easier if they were nearer to double digits.  And I would think that having a long life would make that stage of pain and grief that much further away easier to palate.  What it has done is mellowed me.  I feel a lot when I do feel and I am struggling with the guilt almost the most.  I have not always treated Stewie with as much kindness as he deserves.  He loves so much and it can be hard to handle.  He is impulsive and wrecks so much around him.  But he loves so unabashedly, it shames me.

I am not one to hold on to too much regret.  I am a firm believer that what we have done in our past leads to where we are and a change in that past would not lead us to who we are now.  I do regret treating him so poorly.  My heart aches for you, my friend.  I wish I could change it for you.  And I know you will still love me in my failure, much to my shame.

Week 8 postponed....

So.  2 weeks ago I should have been starting week 8.  I had a kind of a family emergency and have been taken care of a loved one while fighting back the waves of depression.  I think I am going to try and get back on it tomorrow.  I will restart week 8 all over again tomorrow.  At least that is what I am telling myself.

Not to get into too much detail, someone very close to me almost died.  I think that it is fair to say that I should have a couple weeks off.

Week 7 in the bag...

So as I bid farewell to week 7 (which sort of spilled into week 8 due to my laziness) I look back and reflect on the ease of the former 6 weeks.  This week introduced the tabata and the stapper method of training, which sucks, but is effective.  As I look ahead to the hell of week 8, I see that those two are there waiting for me, one at the beginning and one at the end, grinning their fiendish smiles, licking their fiendish teeth at the thought of taking another sweet, sweet bite out of my ass.

In other news, I have continued my quest to increase my running up to where it has been in the past and slowly but surely I have made progress.  I ran a mile in 9 minutes earlier this week and today I ran a 5k on the treadmill.  It took me longer than in the past (but it was under 36 minutes) but I ran the first mile or so non-stop, which is some real progress.

Speaking of progress, I stepped on the dreaded scale this morning, post workout.  I know, I know, I was only going to put myself through that torture every couple of weeks, but I couldn't wait to see if I had made any progress.  289.2 lbs. and that is awesome!  I am down over 7 pounds in the last week so I hope I can keep it up.  I can't wait to start using those newer holes on my belt again!

Off to a much needed shower and to try and spend some snowy at home time with my family...

Uggghhh....

So I complete my legs superset today and then decided I hate myself just enough to run 2 miles followed my a circuit of working on the speed bag and jumping rope for 2 minute intervals.  I had to step outside to cool down as my whole body was sweat and my face was all red.  Generally, if I don't cool my body down, I continue to sweat profusely and needed to go to work.  So I was outside, in 30 degree weather with steam rolling off of me.  It still wasn't enough since after my shower I was still sweating like mad.  I just chose to not wear a coat at all.  That worked out fine.

Breakfast was a muscle milk and Greek yogurt with honey.  Later I had some grapes and I had a slip and binged on some pizza bites.  But it's cool, I followed it with some green machine so, yeah, good to go.  Hopefully I will stay full for a while since lunch is just some fajita veggies with quinoa and a few slices of cheese.

Pray for me, tomorrow is the pull day...

Week 7 and a new twist

On to week 7, which is undulating and I kind of look forward to it.  I am getting excited to work out again but I need some new incentive.  So I decided that I will take my picture and have a before picture to remind myself why I am working.  I plan on taking a picture every 4 weeks as long as I stay sharp.  If I need more incentive I can up how often I take pictures to keep me going.

Well, here it goes...

First pictures-

So here I am at 296.7.  Yes, I know, up from that last weigh in that I had, but I sort of maybe kind of binged on cookies and pizza this weekend.  I felt like I was making a new start on everything at the beginning of the week and sort of let loose.  Back to it now, I guess.

Week 6...in the bag!

I have completed week 6 and I am dreading week 7.  Week 7 things will get a little hairy but I am down with that.  I am so ready to just sweat again that I have added as much as I can after I get that base work out done.  We will look closely at the next 4 weeks and see how that will all work together.

I have decided that I have to take my diet a little more seriously as well as my workout.  I have to take more time for my cardio because I know myself and I know that weight doesn't leave me until I start burning it off with cardio, unfortunately.  Maybe I am impatient but I am ready to get back down to where I was last year at this time (35 lbs lighter).  I have been looking at before and after pictures online of all sorts of people and I get to thinking that maybe I can do that.  I am seriously considering taking a picture of myself now and then again in 3-4 weeks and so on.  Maybe I will start that tomorrow...

Week 6

So I have made it to week 6.  I am kind of excited except that it is my pull day tomorrow and I suck at pull days.  I have found that these workouts aren't quite enough for me right now so I have had to supplement.

Last week I spent a lot of time on the treadmill and the elliptical.  On the latter I was going forward and backward for 3 minute stints and that ... well for lack of a better word, sucks.  It is a little harder this week since I have to leave the house to get to a gym to do said running and I am super disappointed as I ordered some new five finger shoes and I had to send them back to get a bigger size and they finally returned, only to be returned for a bigger size.  Turns out I wear a 45.  Like my Bikilas say, 45, on the inside that I didn't know still even had the letter on.  I thought they were totally worn out.  Turns out, they need to have a few more miles in them yet.  Third times a charm!

WEeeeeeeek 5.....

Week 5 is officially kicking my ass.  I had to hurry through the days this week because of Thanksgiving and it is Tuesday and I am already on day three-pull day.

Pull days suck because I suck at the pull exercises because I weigh a thousand pounds and I feel it is impossible to impose all of that onto me of which it takes all of the planet to generate that gravity for which I try and defy....with the pull exercises...which suck... ad naseum.

Anyway, onward.  I have been craving greens like mad.  It's crazy I know, but for a vegetarian I have been eating very few green things as of late.

Here we go Week 5....

I may be a cheat.  I weighed myself for the first time in 2 weeks and I desperately want success.  I may have told the Wii that I was wearing 2 lbs. of clothes instead of 1 lb.  I justify it by saying that usually I wear a short sleeve shirt and shorts instead of the long sleeve and pants that I was wearing today...

SO .... I am finally down a pound.  294.5 and hopefully I can keep losing.  I think that for certain I need to do more than just the exercises for this program to lose the weight.  Throughout the years the only proven way for me to lose weight is for me to run my fat ass everyday.  However, I do enjoy the exercises as I feel stronger than I have for a long time.

Now if I can just be more careful about my eating habits...

Week 4...

I finished up Week 3 strong, which is ironic because it is strength week (weak) and the new exercise format can be killer.  I have found that I am in better shape than I thought because I have had to put at least one of the exercises in the regiment to a higher level in order to get to muscle failure.  I still haven't quite gotten there except during the Pull day, which I suck at.  Never had much time to fail at pull ups.  I guess I need to make time now. 

Eating has been a little easier however I have found that it is nigh impossible to stay vegetarian when traveling and visiting relatives.  One helpful discovery is that my watch works as a gym timer in a pinch (since I forgot mine).  Another fun discovery that I found out was the elliptical machine.  I have decided that strength exercises alone are not going to cut it for me.  They haven't in the past, why should they now?  I stepped onto my in-law's elliptical and was going forward for x number of minutes and backwards for the same amount of time.  That was killer.

Anyway, I have decided to defer weighing in to every two weeks.  At least then I can be disappointed half as many times a month.  Here's to finishing week 4 and starting supersets next week.

Half way through Week 3

So far these workouts have been ok.  It is just way different than the first week and really does take me to the edge of muscle failure.  Pulling exercises tomorrow so, not really looking forward to that....

...and on to Week 3

I am not really looking forward to the exercises for the next two weeks.  The intensity will be jumping up a little more and I was planning on starting a running regiment this week inbetween my new workouts.  I have also been thinking that I need to incorporate my own martial arts training with my workouts.  I am afraid that if I introduce too much too quickly I will burn myself out early.

I do not want that.

I want to be lighter and faster again.

I want 260 back.  Or lower.  I just need to get serious again.

After 2 weeks....

So, yesterday was actually the beginning of the third week.  I actually finished off the last workout from last week's session last night so I felt it was appropriate to weigh in this morning.

+ 0.2 Lbs

Yes, that's right.  I did fairly well watching what I ate (I have been more aware and keeping track) and exercising more.  And gained weight.  Some people say that it isn't about the scale, it is the overall package.  Well.  This is still one fat package.  I am trying not to be disheartened as I did go for a run the other night, so that is good.  Friday.  What was not so good about Friday is how I had a hard day at work and instead of using my other self destructive tendencies i took it out on a batch of hot wings and pretty much anything else in my path.  Which, having kids that just went trick-or-treating, included a ton of Halloween candy.  This slowly tapered over the weekend.  I think I should have everything back in control now.  After my 1200 cal breakfast.

Don't judge.

BTW

I thought I might wax intellectual on my nutrition lately as well.  I still am struggling with vegetarianism.  Mostly due to my binge eating issues and my love affair with the deadly gas station food demons.  Again, I am weak and decide "oh this little bit of meat ain't no thang" and scarf it down.  As well as drinking pop.  Not diet.  Just regular old pop.  So, now that I have started exercising again, I need to get hold of my nutrition.  Everyday is a little better.