Week 8 postponed....

So.  2 weeks ago I should have been starting week 8.  I had a kind of a family emergency and have been taken care of a loved one while fighting back the waves of depression.  I think I am going to try and get back on it tomorrow.  I will restart week 8 all over again tomorrow.  At least that is what I am telling myself.

Not to get into too much detail, someone very close to me almost died.  I think that it is fair to say that I should have a couple weeks off.

Week 7 in the bag...

So as I bid farewell to week 7 (which sort of spilled into week 8 due to my laziness) I look back and reflect on the ease of the former 6 weeks.  This week introduced the tabata and the stapper method of training, which sucks, but is effective.  As I look ahead to the hell of week 8, I see that those two are there waiting for me, one at the beginning and one at the end, grinning their fiendish smiles, licking their fiendish teeth at the thought of taking another sweet, sweet bite out of my ass.

In other news, I have continued my quest to increase my running up to where it has been in the past and slowly but surely I have made progress.  I ran a mile in 9 minutes earlier this week and today I ran a 5k on the treadmill.  It took me longer than in the past (but it was under 36 minutes) but I ran the first mile or so non-stop, which is some real progress.

Speaking of progress, I stepped on the dreaded scale this morning, post workout.  I know, I know, I was only going to put myself through that torture every couple of weeks, but I couldn't wait to see if I had made any progress.  289.2 lbs. and that is awesome!  I am down over 7 pounds in the last week so I hope I can keep it up.  I can't wait to start using those newer holes on my belt again!

Off to a much needed shower and to try and spend some snowy at home time with my family...

Uggghhh....

So I complete my legs superset today and then decided I hate myself just enough to run 2 miles followed my a circuit of working on the speed bag and jumping rope for 2 minute intervals.  I had to step outside to cool down as my whole body was sweat and my face was all red.  Generally, if I don't cool my body down, I continue to sweat profusely and needed to go to work.  So I was outside, in 30 degree weather with steam rolling off of me.  It still wasn't enough since after my shower I was still sweating like mad.  I just chose to not wear a coat at all.  That worked out fine.

Breakfast was a muscle milk and Greek yogurt with honey.  Later I had some grapes and I had a slip and binged on some pizza bites.  But it's cool, I followed it with some green machine so, yeah, good to go.  Hopefully I will stay full for a while since lunch is just some fajita veggies with quinoa and a few slices of cheese.

Pray for me, tomorrow is the pull day...

Week 7 and a new twist

On to week 7, which is undulating and I kind of look forward to it.  I am getting excited to work out again but I need some new incentive.  So I decided that I will take my picture and have a before picture to remind myself why I am working.  I plan on taking a picture every 4 weeks as long as I stay sharp.  If I need more incentive I can up how often I take pictures to keep me going.

Well, here it goes...

First pictures-

So here I am at 296.7.  Yes, I know, up from that last weigh in that I had, but I sort of maybe kind of binged on cookies and pizza this weekend.  I felt like I was making a new start on everything at the beginning of the week and sort of let loose.  Back to it now, I guess.

Week 6...in the bag!

I have completed week 6 and I am dreading week 7.  Week 7 things will get a little hairy but I am down with that.  I am so ready to just sweat again that I have added as much as I can after I get that base work out done.  We will look closely at the next 4 weeks and see how that will all work together.

I have decided that I have to take my diet a little more seriously as well as my workout.  I have to take more time for my cardio because I know myself and I know that weight doesn't leave me until I start burning it off with cardio, unfortunately.  Maybe I am impatient but I am ready to get back down to where I was last year at this time (35 lbs lighter).  I have been looking at before and after pictures online of all sorts of people and I get to thinking that maybe I can do that.  I am seriously considering taking a picture of myself now and then again in 3-4 weeks and so on.  Maybe I will start that tomorrow...

Week 6

So I have made it to week 6.  I am kind of excited except that it is my pull day tomorrow and I suck at pull days.  I have found that these workouts aren't quite enough for me right now so I have had to supplement.

Last week I spent a lot of time on the treadmill and the elliptical.  On the latter I was going forward and backward for 3 minute stints and that ... well for lack of a better word, sucks.  It is a little harder this week since I have to leave the house to get to a gym to do said running and I am super disappointed as I ordered some new five finger shoes and I had to send them back to get a bigger size and they finally returned, only to be returned for a bigger size.  Turns out I wear a 45.  Like my Bikilas say, 45, on the inside that I didn't know still even had the letter on.  I thought they were totally worn out.  Turns out, they need to have a few more miles in them yet.  Third times a charm!

WEeeeeeeek 5.....

Week 5 is officially kicking my ass.  I had to hurry through the days this week because of Thanksgiving and it is Tuesday and I am already on day three-pull day.

Pull days suck because I suck at the pull exercises because I weigh a thousand pounds and I feel it is impossible to impose all of that onto me of which it takes all of the planet to generate that gravity for which I try and defy....with the pull exercises...which suck... ad naseum.

Anyway, onward.  I have been craving greens like mad.  It's crazy I know, but for a vegetarian I have been eating very few green things as of late.

Here we go Week 5....

I may be a cheat.  I weighed myself for the first time in 2 weeks and I desperately want success.  I may have told the Wii that I was wearing 2 lbs. of clothes instead of 1 lb.  I justify it by saying that usually I wear a short sleeve shirt and shorts instead of the long sleeve and pants that I was wearing today...

SO .... I am finally down a pound.  294.5 and hopefully I can keep losing.  I think that for certain I need to do more than just the exercises for this program to lose the weight.  Throughout the years the only proven way for me to lose weight is for me to run my fat ass everyday.  However, I do enjoy the exercises as I feel stronger than I have for a long time.

Now if I can just be more careful about my eating habits...

Week 4...

I finished up Week 3 strong, which is ironic because it is strength week (weak) and the new exercise format can be killer.  I have found that I am in better shape than I thought because I have had to put at least one of the exercises in the regiment to a higher level in order to get to muscle failure.  I still haven't quite gotten there except during the Pull day, which I suck at.  Never had much time to fail at pull ups.  I guess I need to make time now. 

Eating has been a little easier however I have found that it is nigh impossible to stay vegetarian when traveling and visiting relatives.  One helpful discovery is that my watch works as a gym timer in a pinch (since I forgot mine).  Another fun discovery that I found out was the elliptical machine.  I have decided that strength exercises alone are not going to cut it for me.  They haven't in the past, why should they now?  I stepped onto my in-law's elliptical and was going forward for x number of minutes and backwards for the same amount of time.  That was killer.

Anyway, I have decided to defer weighing in to every two weeks.  At least then I can be disappointed half as many times a month.  Here's to finishing week 4 and starting supersets next week.

Half way through Week 3

So far these workouts have been ok.  It is just way different than the first week and really does take me to the edge of muscle failure.  Pulling exercises tomorrow so, not really looking forward to that....

...and on to Week 3

I am not really looking forward to the exercises for the next two weeks.  The intensity will be jumping up a little more and I was planning on starting a running regiment this week inbetween my new workouts.  I have also been thinking that I need to incorporate my own martial arts training with my workouts.  I am afraid that if I introduce too much too quickly I will burn myself out early.

I do not want that.

I want to be lighter and faster again.

I want 260 back.  Or lower.  I just need to get serious again.

After 2 weeks....

So, yesterday was actually the beginning of the third week.  I actually finished off the last workout from last week's session last night so I felt it was appropriate to weigh in this morning.

+ 0.2 Lbs

Yes, that's right.  I did fairly well watching what I ate (I have been more aware and keeping track) and exercising more.  And gained weight.  Some people say that it isn't about the scale, it is the overall package.  Well.  This is still one fat package.  I am trying not to be disheartened as I did go for a run the other night, so that is good.  Friday.  What was not so good about Friday is how I had a hard day at work and instead of using my other self destructive tendencies i took it out on a batch of hot wings and pretty much anything else in my path.  Which, having kids that just went trick-or-treating, included a ton of Halloween candy.  This slowly tapered over the weekend.  I think I should have everything back in control now.  After my 1200 cal breakfast.

Don't judge.

BTW

I thought I might wax intellectual on my nutrition lately as well.  I still am struggling with vegetarianism.  Mostly due to my binge eating issues and my love affair with the deadly gas station food demons.  Again, I am weak and decide "oh this little bit of meat ain't no thang" and scarf it down.  As well as drinking pop.  Not diet.  Just regular old pop.  So, now that I have started exercising again, I need to get hold of my nutrition.  Everyday is a little better.

Here goes....

So.  I have fallen off of the workout wagon and rolled in the dust for the last few months.  So much so that my new pants don't fit and I had to go up a size again.  I am so so sad, but not so sad that I didn't eat a ton of chocolate mochi this weekend.

Last week I started the basic program in my Body Weight Exercise Bible and weighed myself for the first time in months.  It was so traumatic that I blanked the exact weight but according to my Wii it was about 295.5 lbs.  I have finished one week of the ten week course and I lost 0.2 lbs.  Hard to feel inspired to continue, however I have found that these exercises seem easy, I have been extremely sore in the aftermath.  I do find I feel like I can move better and I don't feel so fat.

Eating is my next hurdle in my health.  Alcoholics have it easy; they can just not take another drink.  People with eating disorders live in their own private hell.  They have to eat and have to face those pitfalls at every meal.

And in between meals.

And when they are stressed.

And now.

A little I think that Bulimia wouldn't be such a bad idea right now.  I ate waaaaaay too much for breakfast (since I didn't eat at home, my mistake).  But I think if I puked, I wouldn't feel better in the long run.

Anyway.  Here goes...

Here we go

Sleep deprived, but I think I am going the right way again.  I have my little notebook to keep track of my food and I have broken the funk for now.  I had a really good time on Saturday night and it was time for me, sort of.  I still need to work on that....

Ok

I need to stop wallowing in self pity and just get my shit done.  I need to do so many things, but I don't want to do any of them!

So here is a short list of things I WILL be doing:

1)  Start my food log again.  I am always more successful when I am more mindful.  It makes me feel more ... accountable(?) I guess.  I am tired of being fat.  I felt pretty darn good when I weighed the same as I did at 19 and was dangerously getting close to being less than that.

2)  Find Joy in small everyday things.  I am not sure when it happened, but I became a grown up.  I used to view things with child-like wonder and find even the most mundane things extraordinary.  Now I am hardly ever amazed at anything.  I can't seem to find that wonder any more.  I hope it isn't gone forever.

3)  Find time for me.  I was recently told/ became aware of how I get bogged down in the details.  I am always trying to fulfill some obligation, whether for others (usually) or standards that I have set for myself (children of chaos tend to create it in order to feel "right").  I the same vein as #2, I will need to set aside time for me.  Maybe this blog could help?

That is my list so far.  It is short but I think that it is a start....

Oh well....

So it has been while since I posted.  I should call this blog that instead as it seems that is always my opening line.  I have yet to get back into the swing of things and when I was at the doctor's office yesterday I weighed in at 288.  Granted that is with my shoes and clothes on, but still.  I had some things come up in my personal life (no, I am not telling!) so it has been very hard to get motivated.  The less I do, the more sessile I become.  It is very hard to get myself to run at this point.  It is hard to even do anything.  I feel pretty worthless, but that is life I guess....

Swings....

So I haven't posted for some time now.  I was lokoing at what I had posted last and it is just more of the same.  Emotional swings.  I was doing pretty well with the exercise thing again, from time to time.

I ran my first 5k this last weekend in St. Paul.  The Color Run is fun and non-competitive.  I wish that I wouldn't have hurt my calf running it.  About half way through the race I felt something pop in my calf.  Along with some pain...  Anyway, I have been taking it easy this last week so I can start training again.  I have been looking into a Spartan Run this May in Montana.  Maybe I will get a group together to do that one...

Heavy Sigh

So, here I am.

I did well with the kettlebells once I got onto a routine. For 2 weeks I was working out with them at least 3 times a week. and then 2. and then none.

I have to reassess the whole situation and get remotivated. I have a plan.

I have started recording my food intake again, which will help. Anyway...